In the intermediary days of Sukkot, I took myself to one of my favorite places, DaySpring Retreat Center in Germantown, MD for a Quiet Day. Early in the day, I walked around outside on the beautiful grounds and by the pond, I just started speaking outloud to God. This is a chassidic form of meditative prayer called Hitbodedut, in which one speaks aloud spontaneously, offering the words of the heart.
Though it was a Quiet Day which is a mostly silent retreat, I felt I needed this time out in nature to just to give voice to what was on my mind. Through this process, I found great wisdom in also hearing what God might have to say or teach me or make known to me.
What I realized was that I needed to stay in the present moment. I had some fear and anxiety about things that might happen or could happen but I had no way of knowing if those things would come to be or not. And so the best thing I could do, really the only thing I could do, was to stay in the present and not get caught up in all of the what ifs. This was such a simple realization but also such a profound gift that came from my inner spark, my intuition and from God. And maybe each of those things are one and same.
It started raining as I finished my prayers and I headed back to the lodge where I spent the rest of the retreat journalling, drawing, and meditating by the fire. I was grateful for this time.